The President's Latest Q & A Session

So now we have to ask, Mr. President, what wouldn't you do?

Say again?

Well, you've authorized warrantless domestic wiretaps, which are clearly illegal. You simply can't do domestic searches without a warrant. When you violate a law that's so clear-cut, I'd like to ask, what wouldn't you do? It's useful to know what you think the limits on your executive power are.

Okay, I'll give you some good examples. I wouldn't authorize torture for people we want to interrogate and intimidate.

You've already done that.

I wouldn't set up a system of prisons outside of the United States where we can keep our prisoners of war.

You've already done that.

I certainly wouldn't leak the name of one our intelligence agents to the domestic press in order to discredit my opponents. You could even call that treason.

You've already done that, too, Mr. President.

Give me a break here. How about this? The president's powers as commander in chief are pretty broad, but to launch an attack on a country that's not an immediate threat to us would go beyond my power. It would violate the UN charter as well.

But sir, you did that, too.

You've got me pinned down pretty well now. Can you think of anything I haven't done yet?

Well, you could drop a nuclear bomb on North Korea to make it give up its nuclear weapons. You'd teach them a lesson.

Yes.

And you could drop another bomb on Harvard University to quiet Alan Dershowitz and all those other people on the faculty who keep criticizing you.

I don't think Ted Kennedy would like that very much.

Mr. President, what's one university in the War on Terror? If it's necessary to protect the American people, you should do it.

How about if I just roll some tanks into Harvard Square? That wouldn't be so drastic. Maybe not as effective, either.

Come on, Mr. President, you have a reputation to maintain here. You don't want Dick Cheney to call you a namby pamby behind your back, do you?

Of course not, but I don't want to destroy America. I want to save it. Pretty soon you and your friends will say that I want to destroy America in order to save it.

You've already done that.